Answer:
This is an age old question I'm afraid!! Some people are just so used to the abuse, and the abuser keeps apologizing and saying that he/she loves them..The victim usually has low self esteem and thinks that somehow they deserve it, or can't get anyone better. Thus the neverending cycle of abuse!! If you can, try to get her out of that relationship!! Try to help her see that this is wrong. Maybe her parents were that controlling also?; and she is used to it??
Good Luck
Momma P
Sadly some people are more comfortable with what is familiar. People can't take advantage of you long term like that without your permission. She does have a choice and is probably afraid of being without him (crazy) and starting over. Gently, try to get her to see that love is not controlling and manipulative. Good luck - she's lucky to have a friend who cares about her.
yes i think they do. i have a sister who jumps from one abusive relation ship into another, it seems to be thing for her. not me.
Abuse and control is NEVER a good thing.
Right now it may still "only" be verbal abuse and obsessive controlling.but what if the verbal abuse shifts to physical abuse?
IF your friend really loves this guy, then I strongly suggest they both go in counseling, and, should he not want to attend, she'd go alone.
Both can learn a thing or two there, and then decide how to move forward.
Yeah, only thing you might do is document some of the "alleged abuse", which is what it will eventually be called in court, and hope the evidence holds up. Also, for that to work she has to be willing to start over with a fresh outlook on life. Maybe drop her some paraphenalia (info booklets) on abusive relationships and how everyone turns out unhappy at the end. Unless she is a lying deceitful whore, then she gets what she..no one deserves that. If she was HE should leave her, which is also a big possibility in the end. I hadf a friend who adopted his wife's baby girl, was her father and a good husband for 3 1/2 yrs., and then one night he came home to his stuff on the porch. She had got back with her ex-boyfriend/baby daddy, who she had charged with attempted murder and rape, but she dropped them. He is in prison today on 2 counts of sodomy and one on rape. My friend pays over $500 /mnth in child support and will never have the relationship he could have had with that little girl. Sorry for "storytime", but I think I made a small point on how some people just dont care if the person they "love" smashes their head into the refridgerator, then into the concrete, then pummels their face about 10 times.oh and while she was pregnant too. Lotta F'd up people out there.
Hope you can help your friend get through it alive and dont let him keep you away from her. If he does, get help. Real help, not this place, a psychiatrist, doctor, try not to involve the police until absolutely neccisary- they may just scare her into not thinking she can do anything.
I remember having a particular patient who was in a relationship like you describe. I tried to counsel her to get help and get herself out of the relationship. Her response was that she did not "like" her boyfriend but she still "loved" him. She was an emotional prisoner. Many people end up this way when they are in relationships. They hate the other person's behavior but they keep thinking that things will get better and they will change. The truth is that it only gets worse. This particular patient was murdered by her boyfriend after enduring beatings and abuse from him for two years. Every time a beating would occur he would apologize and promise it would never happen again. That is the pattern of abusers. They do NOT stop and they all escalate. Please do everything you can to educate your friend about abusive relationships. At the same time you need to ensure your own safety. If her boyfriend finds that you are interfering, I can guarantee that he will take out his rage on you at his earliest convenience. Abusers see family and friends as "interlopers" and "intruders". They do not want the person they are involved in having any communication with others and keep them isolated. Best wishes